SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Did I mention - as of 11/2/08 - I'm no longer a vegetarian. I took my first bite of chicken in over a year... I've had more cravings for chicken in the past year than anything I've ever had. It has been a very hard road to travel -- I tried my best. To some, my best may not be good enough. I'm sorry. But, all the decisions I made along the way, I made for myself, for my beliefs... I had no bad transition back to meat, so I was thankful for that...though the thoughts of the video I once saw that pushed my switch keep popping into my mind... Alas, chicken is back on the menu. - I was vegetarian for 401 days.
Ten on Tuesday : "Ten things I will NEVER do again" Edition
August 8, 2007
It's sliiiightly late, but heregoes anyway.
(In no particular order, of course)
#1 : get another tonsillectomy. Not because I can't get another, but because I WON'T get another one. The truth is, those damned tonsils can grow back, and if they do, then they are fierce mothafatha's and I'll just leave them be. That was hell, and I ain't goin' back.
#2 : brazillian wax. That's right ladies, and what gents out there read this, I will NEVER get a brazillian wax again. Maybe that's too much information for ya, but in case it's not, let me just dive in a little further (no pun intended)... but, it sticky, it's hot, it's wax. And there's a reason our body DOES NOT produce WAX down there, it's because, it just simply DOES NOT belong down there. OUCHHHYYYYYY. Not worth the effort, IMHO.
#3 : go out of the country on a guided tour. I went on one this year to Italy and I can honestly say, it wasn't all that bad, but if I had my choice. No TOUR. No TOURGUIDE, No TOURBUS, No TOURGROUP. Can you believe that people in their 70's and up still get in catty little fights like women over who sits where during dinner?!
#4 : Lose touch with my nearest and dearest friends. If you can see from my previous post, I lost touch with a lot of friends and in the end, was left with none when I became single. Luckily I made tons of new friends...but those friendships I now hold close to my heart and I will never let them go. We will work through thick in thin to keep things in the good between us!
#5 : LOOK when a coworker tells me to look at a girl in a tight white jumpsuit at work wearing a hot pink leather thong underneath it. What the FOCK?!
#6 : dye my hair blonde. I did this back in 2001. It was 'okay' for back then. I would never do it again. First of all, I could never get away with it, since I'm asian, and it makes my hair all hard like straw. ECK. (However, I did have a hotpink streak in my hair when I was in HS for a short period of time, I didn't say I would never do that again. Muuuhahahaha)
#7 : Drive to Ohio. Dude, if you've gotta go, get on a jetplane and fly the 1 hr it takes to get there. It's worth the money. Unless you are going with a friend who is your twin in hysterics the entire drive. I had a blast when I went, but I would never choose to do it again.
#8 : Pull over when someone is chasing me in a car. I did this when I was in college and super naive. A truck full of mexicans were following me and a college gal pal of mine around Virginia and we just kept laughing at them, b/c seriously who follows 2 girls in the late-teens? Uh. duh. Crazy psycho's is who! Yeah, we learned that shortly after we pulled the car over and they did the same, and proceeded to get out of the car and walk towards us. AHHHHH
#9 : Put both of my legs in the air while driving a car over railroad tracks. Yeah, uh huh, another stupid thing I did in college. A gal pal of mine told me and my roomie to do this as we drove over railroad tracks... so one night we were driving and came across a set of railroad tracks, we gunned the car over the tracks and lifter our legs. Just as the car came crashing back to the ground from being suspended in mid air, we were back up again, b/c there was a 2nd set of tracks right after it. Hop hop hop... my car was a rabbit that night. We did a nice little 180 in mid-air. came crashing down, started laughing our asses off in hysterics b/c we scared the shiat out of ourselves, and why the hell do we listen to anybody who is in college?!
#10 : I will NEVER attempt to make cinnamon toast in a toaster oven again. I tried it once, started a fire, and made myself the laughing stock of the neighborhood. Never Again.
I know it's been a while since Thanksgiving, but I haven't been able to upload my pictures until now. To view larger, just click on the picture.
This here is the ole turkey that was munched on for days and days...(literally). Personally, I think the best part about Thanksgiving dinner is the Turkey skin and the stuffing. It's a day to be unhealthy and be thankful you're allowed to.
This next picture is of the table. From left to right (around the table): Grandma, Mitchell, Lindsay, Renee, Mike, Me, Kevin & Dawn. The 2 empty seats at the end are for my mom (taking the pic) and her BF Dave.
Last but CERTAINLY not least is the most PRICELESS photo of the evening. Admist all the eating and semi-food comas we were all having, there was a few minutes of hysterical laughter as we entertained ourselves by teaching Grandma how to do sign language. This here is her rendition of Lobster Claws. (don't ask, but we were all doing it at the table - yeah, we can be bizarre.)
